


Choices

by Cheekybeak



Series: Choices [1]
Category: The Lord of the Rings (Movies), The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-29
Updated: 2016-02-29
Packaged: 2018-05-23 23:49:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6134286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cheekybeak/pseuds/Cheekybeak
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Elrohir has a choice he does not want to make and Legolas is dangerous!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The city was jubilant, the war was over. They had returned from the edge of the abyss alive and his brother had claimed his heritage. It was a long struggle come to an end and he should be celebrating. Instead he was searching, searching for the one he had been watching all these weeks with an urgency that confused him. 

Wild, exotic, mysterious, his eyes were drawn to him, he could not look away. He could not understand it. They had ridden together beside his brother but barely spoken, hardly acknowledged each other's presence, why now did he search him out?   
Because he had not seen him and he needed to. He may not understand it but that was the truth of it.  Still, need to see him he might, but find him he could not. 

"Do you look for me?"

The voice from above startled him, light and melodic it fell upon his ears like a song  and he glanced up. There he was perched on a wall, sprawled out lazily, legs dangling with a smile as brilliant as the sun. But despite a flip of joy at the sight he was disgruntled. Why would he conclude he looked for him? They were not friends and he had been discrete with his watching he was sure of it. As compelling as it was to look he took care never to be seen indulging in it. His answer was abrupt, verging on rudeness.

"No."

"Ah well, that's a shame." Legolas leaned back against the wall and he wondered as he gazed upwards, just what did he mean by that?

"Will you join me anyway?" Legolas continued and indicated the ledge beside him casually,   
"I am in the mood for company."

He hesitated, long had it been since he had last climbed walls. It wasn't the way Noldor lords behaved but he was not going to have this wood elf think he could not manage it and so up he scrambled. It was not the most elegant display.

He positioned himself next to Legolas on the ledge and they sat in silence for a time. It was a mistake coming up here he realised for now he could not look, it would be too obvious, and so he kept his gaze deliberately upon the city in front of him acutely aware the whole time of the warm body beside him.

"There is too much stone in this city," Legolas broke the silence with a sigh.

He imagined that for a child of the wood there was but he loved the stone and felt anchored by its strength and elegance. 

"It is a city of men," he said, "They find the stone beautiful." I find it beautiful, is what he meant.

"As do the Noldor," Legolas replied and he turned to him with a frown. Was that an insult to his heritage? But Legolas simply smiled back, his face open, devoid of any sarcasm.

"Which one calls for you?" He asked and at first he did not know what he meant and looked back in confusion.

"Men or Elves? Which way do you lean? What choice will you make?" 

He was astonished by his bluntness for never had he been asked this so plainly. Usually those who wished to know were afraid to ask, afraid of what his reply might be. 

" I do not know." He replied, his surprise at the question resulting in honesty.  
"I feel no pull, one way or the other. I suppose I should but I do not. I do not know what my choice shall be, I wish I did not have to make it." 

"I must be careful then." Legolas murmured almost to himself, it was an odd response and he could make no sense of it.

"When the time comes, you will know what it is you must choose." The wood elf added, and he lashed out at that for how could he know anything of this?

"What can you possibly know of my choice?" He snapped.

Legolas pinned him under his steady gaze,

"You are not the only one with ancestry of two peoples. I am Sindar and Silvan and the two do not always meet easily in me. I would have chosen the wood. I have known that all my life, I would never wish to leave it but now......" He trailed off wistfully, "Now that choice has been taken from me. You have a choice you do not wish to make and I wish with all my heart I could still make one but I have no choice at all." 

He spoke of his newly acquired sea longing of course. He had never thought of it like that, that it had robbed him of his choice to stay.

"You will sail then." That would cause his brother much pain.

"I think I will stay for a long while yet, I do not take kindly to being told what to do!" And Legolas blessed him with another of his brilliant smiles, the ones that brightened the world around him.

He wondered why he felt relieved at the news he would stay, it mattered not to him really.

"I know you watch me."   
He jumped guiltily, how could he know that? He was certain, absolutely certain he had not been seen, he was so careful.

"Why do you do it? Do you not trust me......or do you like what you see?" 

He struggled for an answer, one that would not incriminate him. He was not used to this bluntness. Did he always just say what he thought?

"If it helps I watch you too." 

That was a revelation for he had never noticed, had never seen the slightest attention paid to himself.

"Why?" he asked, "Why would you watch me?"

And Legolas smiled,

"Because you are beautiful."

He reached out and took hold of his hair, letting the smooth strands flow through his fingers,  
"Your hair is like black silk, a river of silk flowing down your back. Hours have I spent watching it as you rode." 

He was undone, words a jumble in his mind because that touch......oh that touch!

"Shall we?"

"Shall we what?" he replied. Legolas was a mysterious creature and he could not follow his thought processes, what did he mean?

"Shall we take these looks and turn them into touch?" His fingers dropped his hair and instead drifted softly, softly over his face, burning through his skin. His touch made his every nerve-ending feel alive. He had never felt like this before.

"I know you want to." Legolas whispered breath hot upon his cheek.

But how could he know that when he did not know himself. He had simply watched him from afar, he had not wanted anything more......had he?

"I do not know what I want." He said and it was the truth.

As quick as a flash Legolas was off the ledge they perched on and looking up at him from the ground below.

"Oh you do know." He said, "For why have we played this game of watching for so long if you did not want it?" 

But he had not known the watching was reciprocated, he had not known they played a game.  
He stared down at the golden beauty in front of him and said nothing, he did not know what to say.

"Well," Legolas smiled up at him, "It seems as if you must make a choice today, oh Noldor who does not know his own mind. Were you looking for me when you came here? Do you want to see where we can take this........or does your fear of making the wrong choice mean this opportunity passes us by?" 

"I do not fear!" He objected but he knew deep down he was right, he could not make his choice for what if it was the wrong one?

Legolas turned to leave and he sat paralysed with doubt, he did not want him to leave. He wanted with all his soul to feel that touch again. He wanted to see where this would lead.

"Wait!" He cried, as he scrambled down to solid ground.   
"Wait! You are right, I want this."

And Legolas was all seriousness as he approached him.   
"Be sure, Elrohir," he murmured as his fingers brushed across his lips. "Know that today might be the beginnings of your choice. The one you will not make."

"What do you mean? Do you always speak in riddles?"

"I chose to follow Aragorn," Legolas replied "and now I have no choice left at all. Though I do not regret it nor did I foresee it. What will happen should you choose to entangle yourself with me? What we choose today will affect all of our tomorrows."

"I do not care about tomorrow." It was so freeing, so unlike him who usually agonised over all possibilities. 

He could not turn this down. He could not walk away because of ghosts of potential futures drifting through his mind for now he knew why he had been so distracted over the days on the road, he knew why his eyes were always searching, searching out the beautiful creature of light before him from the moment he first saw him.

This could not be wrong.

"I will sail." Legolas said, "You must know that for I feel this will be more than a chance connection. "

"Then you risk as much as I for I may yet stay."

But Legolas's eyes just sparkled with mischief as he answered.  
"I enjoy taking risks but I think that you do not."

He was right of course. 

"Then you need to teach me how."

For he would not let this go, he wanted that touch, he wanted to gaze upon the one who mesmerised him whenever he wished.   
The usual cacophony of doubts in his mind were silent. 

He took his hand,  
And in that moment he made his choice.


	2. Secrets

The hall was crowded, a mass of bodies, people of importance, everyone wanting a piece of Estel's time. He wondered how he put up with it. Thank goodness he could hide here among the Dunedain beside his twin. Not that they had any chance of hiding, different as they were. The Gondorians stared blatantly. He supposed he did not blame them, the large majority had never seen an elf before, but he did not enjoy the attention. 

But there was one who seemingly revealed in it and he watched with interest as he entered. Head up, light bouncing off the gold of his hair, looking every inch the prince that he was, the dwarf at his side just added to his exoticness. The sight took his breath away and he wondered how anyone managed to look at him and remain unaffected by his beauty.   
Even Elladan noticed him.

"Here comes Estel's wood elf." he said with some amusement. 

"What do you mean? He is not Estel's!" He found himself snapping angrily in response, and his twin have him a strange look. He would have to be more careful. 

"You know how close they are. He followed Estel even though he thought it would lead to his death. That is what I meant."

"Estel does not own him."he replied somewhat sulkily.

"Of course not!" Elladan was indignant at being challenged. "He is Thranduil's child, look at him. Nobody will ever own him!"

He lost sight of Legolas in the crowd surging around him though his eyes sought him out desperately. Elladan was right, Legolas would never be caged, would never allow himself  
to belong to anyone. A brief stab of sadness pierced him at that thought.   
He had no idea why. 

He was lost in his thoughts when the one he sought appeared as if by magic before him. Up close he was even more mesmerising but he did not even glance at him, it was to Elladan he spoke.

"Aragorn wishes to speak to you."

But when he moved to follow, Legolas placed himself in front of him a hand on his chest, a hand that burnt through his tunic and ignited a fire in his skin beneath. 

"Not you." He said softly, "Stay here with me." 

For a moment he felt he could not breathe.

"Have you told your brother of me?" Warm breath brushed across his ear as Legolas leaned in to whisper it. 

"No." He said honestly, and the beautiful face before him clouded over with a frown. 

"Are you embarrassed? Does it shame you?"

He was still not used to this bluntness, he was used to politics and court etiquette, to talking around a subject never saying what it was you truly thought. Allowing others to read between the lines, he was skilled at that. He did not know how to deal with this at all. But he knew he wanted to remove the frown from that lovely face.

"I am not embarrassed, never. I wanted to keep the knowledge for myself awhile........a treasure for me to think on. Something that is mine alone. I did not want to share.....yet."

He was unsure he had explained it properly but even if it was a clumsy attempt it worked and Legolas slowly smiled lighting up his beauty as he did so. 

"A treasure.......I like that." He glanced behind him to where Elladan stood with Estel,  
"It would be somewhat exciting too don't you think, for us to know and no one else.........for a while?"

And he reached up to brush a hair from Elrohir's face, to tuck it behind his ear. 

"My secret treasure." then he was gone. 

The next time he saw him was hours later as he sat with his brothers in front of the fire. The throng had dispersed, it was late and they drank and relaxed in the warmth.   
Legolas and the dwarf burst into their quiet circle bringing chaos along with them. 

Legolas threw himself in a chair, draping languidly across it, even sitting he was graceful, alluring, and commenced haranguing Estel about confusing humans, the lack of trees and the dwarf protested until the pair of them were arguing loudly. He watched him despite himself, the way he moved, the expressions that flitted across his face. He was fascinated by him.

"Aragorn is all you have to drink just this ale? It is terrible, do you have no wine for those of us who are cultured?" 

Estel snorted into his glass,

"Since when are you cultured Legolas?" 

"I will have you know," Legolas said as he stood, "We are very refined in the wood. I will have to get my own wine I suppose." And he strode past Elrohir bending swiftly to whisper in his ear as he left,

"If you keep looking at me that way our secret will not last the night."

He was so quick, no one noticed so it seemed, how did he do that?

When Legolas returned, wine in hand, he sat himself down next to Elrohir and proceeded, quietly and discretely to turn him mad with distraction. Soft, seemingly casual touches of his hand upon his thigh, a leg up against his own, that fine golden hair brushing his face as Legolas turned his head. It was torture.  
Eventually he could stand no more,

"Stop it!" He hissed, "They will notice." 

But Legolas simply threw him a coy look,

They will only see what they expect to see," he whispered softly, " and they expect to see nothing......do you not like it?" 

He knew very well of course that Elrohir liked it very much indeed. He could not keep his mind on anything else. Legolas filled his senses. Eventually, in the middle of a very pleasant imagining, he was caught out.

"Elrohir?!"

It was his twin, peering at him with a frown. 

"I have been talking to you for the last five minutes, did you even hear me?"

He had not heard a word of course, distracted as he was by the random hidden caresses.

"Forgive me," he stammered, "My mind was elsewhere...."

"Are you quite alright?" Elladan's eyes were filled with concern.

"Just tired." It was all he could come up with, his mind was completely empty and a soft giggle from Legolas beside him did not help matters. His laugh was so alluring.

"Are you well? Do you hide an injury?"

Before he could answer in the negative Legolas placed his hand on his forehead. 

"Are you sure you do not have a fever?" He said, his eyes dancing with mischief only Elrohir could see.

Oh he did have have a fever and Legolas knew exactly why, and his hand.....his touch was making it so much worse. Briefly he thought of telling Elladan the truth, that a wood elf was driving him insane with sexual frustration.  That would shock him! Instead he pushed Legolas's hand away, despite he fact he didn't want to. 

"I am quite well thank you." He snapped.

"Stop teasing Legolas," Estel sighed, "What has put you in this tedious mood?" 

"I am happy Aragorn," Legolas gifted them all with a brilliant smile, " surely you do not begrudge me that?"

"And what is it that has us all enduring your happiness?"

Legolas leaned back in his chair, hands behind his head, eyes gleaming. Truly he shone.

"What would you say if I said it was love?"

His heart skipped a beat, what was he doing talking of love? Had he lost his mind?

"I would say," Estel answered, "That you seek to distract me by spouting nonsense."

Legolas turned to him then, a look of mock horror on his face. 

"Elrohir, did you hear that? Aragorn thinks me unlovable, undesirable, I am hurt to the core! What say you?"

"I would say he was mistaken." 

He could not help but laugh for none of the others understood the hidden meaning to their words and Legolas was right, it was exciting. A part of him found it difficult to believe no one  could see what lay between them for it was electric, how did they not notice these bright sparks flying? He felt alive as he had not done for years.

"Legolas," It was Estel speaking, "If you do not wish to tell me what it is that makes you so happy it does not matter, it only matters that you are, and I am glad, but leave my poor tired brother alone, he is not used to your antics." 

He recieved only Legolas's light merry laugh in return. 

Later after a few more glasses had been consumed, a few more dwarven arguments, and many more secret touches had lit him on fire, Legolas leaned into him, with a voice full of seriousness,

"Aragorn is a wise man," he murmured, "Perhaps I would be well advised to do as he says?"

"What?" he had forgotten Estel's words by then and had no idea what it was they discussed.

"He wishes me to leave you alone.........you are not used to me....should I?" 

And at that time he could think of nothing he wanted less.

"Don't you dare!" He said and was rewarded with a smile, one of the special ones he held close to his heart.

"If you leave now, I will follow.........to my rooms? They will not miss us." the look Legolas gave him was one filled with innuendo.

And it was all the invitation he needed.


	3. Confrontations

Eventually he returned to Imladris.   
It was an empty return and he felt no joy in it. No Father, no sister, ragged holes in his heart where they had been.  
 His grief nagged at him but he ignored it, pushed it aside and carried on. He tried not to think on them for the three of them would never be together again what ever choice he made and he felt torn in two. 

But much to his surprise the biggest hole was left by Legolas. He found there was much he missed about him, his love of life, his effervescence, his pure joy, the light with which he shone, and most of all the way he made him feel.   
He was annoyed with himself. It was a dalliance after the stress of war and that was all. He needed to get over this infatuation, to let it go, and yet he could not. Try as he may Legolas lingered in his thoughts and would not leave.

And then the letter arrived.  
It took him completely by surprise. 

" A letter came for you." Elladan said one day at lunch, and there it was.

He did not recognise the handwriting that scrawled wildly across the paper in a cascade of ideas, and at first when he read it he had no idea who it could possibly be from. 

"My Treasure," the letter began and he frowned, what was this?   
But then an image flashed across his mind of Legolas, in front of him bright and luminous, his smile wide, "my secret treasure," he whispered gently brushing back his hair. Legolas? Writing to him?   
He dropped the letter as if it burned him. Legolas had written to him! 

"What's wrong?" Elladan asked, "What is it?"

"Nothing, nothing important."

He left the letter there where it lay, he did not want to read it in company so he pretended nonchalance in front of his brother while he ate, gathering it as if it where an afterthought when he departed. But it was no afterthought. It blazed across his thoughts all the long hours of that afternoon until he could finally get a private few minutes to read it. He sat himself in a quiet alcove of the garden and opened it. As he did he imagined Legolas's light shining from the page itself. 

But there was no light in this letter, it was a letter of despair written by a Legolas he did not recognise. It told him everything and nothing. Everything about the misery encompassing Legolas's heart and nothing as to what caused it. He could not understand what had happened to fill the creature of light he knew with such unhappiness and he frowned in consternation.

"You are still reading that letter?" It was Elladan approaching him across the garden. "You do not look happy, I thought it was of no import?"

He folded it hurriedly and stowed it in a pocket,

"I am happy enough," he said lightly, it could not have been further from the truth.

"Who writes to you and causes such a frown?" His brother enquires.

He could see no option but to confess at least a part of the contents,

"Legolas."  
   
"Legolas? Is there news of Estel? Is all well?"

"No news of Estel, he is not there. He has been travelling with the dwarf. He warns us they intend to visit here."

"When?" Elladan was as surprised as he had been.

"I do not know, his time keeping seems to be........haphazard." That much at least was true. 

"Well," Elladan smiled, "Legolas will liven things up here I imagine. He is always amusing."

But he did not think Legolas would be amusing this time at all. That he kept to himself.

When he finally arrived Legolas was not at all what he had been expecting, he had thought to see an elf broken down by despair, what he got was a Legolas full of fire and challenge, flashing eyes and imperiousness. He could not have been more confused.

"It is good to see you Legolas." He had hoped Legolas would be as pleased to see him as he was to have the chance to gaze upon his beauty again.

"We will not stay long." Legolas was full of nervous energy as they stood in the courtyard for their welcome. He was constantly on the move, he could not stand still. 

"Stay as long as you wish..." And he meant it, the longer he could hold him here the better. But Legolas was not in the mood for pleasantries. 

"Can you show us to our rooms?" He verged on rudeness, "We have travelled far and some rest would be appreciated." 

"Of course-" but Legolas stalked off before he could say more and he was left in his wake, bamboozled. 

The dwarf beside him sighed,  
"Forgive his rudeness, he is not himself. I am hoping you can fix what ever it is bothering him for I am quite fed up with his moods." 

"Me?" He was surprised at the dwarfs seeming confidence in his abilities.

"You are his kind are you not? You have a better chance of understanding him than I."

But he didn't understand him at all and he had no idea what to do next but he certainly didn't tell the dwarf that.

In the end he bided his time despite all his being clambering for him to go to Legolas, so long had he been dreaming of being reunited, spent his time imagining his touch. He would give him the rest he had asked for. At last though he could stand it no longer.

"You came." was the greeting he recieved as the door opened to his knock.

"Of course I came." Was there ever a chance he would not? 

Legolas stood in front of him calmly and his expression was challenging, yet he did not know why. It was as if he expected a fight yet nothing could be further from his mind.

"What is wrong?" he asked and he reached out to touch but Legolas evaded him gracefully and it hurt.

"Nothing is wrong, we were travelling near here and have called in to rest. Must anything be wrong for me to come here?" 

"What of this?" He pulled the letter out of his pocket. "I have been worried-" 

Legolas dismissed his fears with a wave of his hand, 

"A weak moment, I apologise, Ignore it." 

"I cannot ignore this." He knew something was wrong, all his instincts told him so, he would not be distracted.

"I should not have written it, It is over, we cannot all be perfect, Noldo." 

He flinched at the use of his ancestry as an insult, before Legolas had called him that with a softness, in jest. Now it felt like an attack.

"The dwarf is worried about you."

"Gimli!"

"What?" He was taken aback by the flash of anger.

"His name is Gimli. Use it. He is my friend, you disrespect him." 

"Forgive me." that was warranted, he had to admit, he had not given Gimli due respect, " but he worries for you Legolas, he told me so."

Legolas laughed, but his laugh was an empty one, not the joyous melody he remembered and his smile did not reach his eyes.

"Dwarves are anxious beings, they are well known for their nervousness, do not take him seriously." 

"That is strange Legolas, I have met many dwarves and never would I have described them as such. I think it is you who disrespects him now." 

And as he watched Legolas changed, seamlessly, invisibly, prickly edges became softness, challenge became invitation. 

"Enough of this," he moved towards him, reached out for him. " We have been apart too long Elrohir, I have longed for you, let's us waste no more time on this when we could be doing better things. Do you not want it as much as I?"

He did, oh he did want it so much but he knew Legolas now, at least the small part of him he had been allowed to see and he saw this for what it was, distraction, an attempt to lead him away from whatever the trouble was. He had no doubt Legolas wanted him but he would not allow him to divert him with desire.

"You know I do Legolas, but I wish to know what troubles you more. Will you not tell me?"

And Legolas reacted with anger,

"So be it!" He snapped, "You are not the Noldo I knew in Minas Tirith."

He would not be goaded into a fight.

"I am. I am the very same but I know you now Legolas, I know you seek to divert me. I desire you, you know this but you will not use it against me. If you think you can manipulate me you are very mistaken!"

"Do not presume to know me!" Legolas pulled himself up to his full height, eyes flashing, anger flaring, he was his father's son. But Elrohir would not be cowed.

"You are right, I do not know you." He said quietly, "You are a mystery to me, the workings of your mind make no sense, but I know you are troubled and I know you should speak of it. Tell me Legolas." and Legolas gave in, he deflated before his eyes.

"Gimli and I have travelled far." He said, "I have been home to the wood, to Fangorn and the Glittering Caves. I have seen wonderous sights I wished for all my life but there has been little joy in it for me Elrohir. Even my home is a place of rest for me no longer. Nowhere I go brings me happiness, nothing eases this restlessness within me. I did not know it would be like this! I did not know I would never again have peace!" 

He was horrified for this could only mean one thing. Legolas would have to leave them. He watched with a heavy heart as Legolas turned away, looked out the window over the valley, his back to him. 

"I hoped to find some sanctuary here with you," The whisper was barely audible.

And then he hesitated. He should go to him, he should grant him the peace he was searching for, tell him he was here for him yet something held him back for this was not the light flirtation they had in Minas Tirith. This was more.   
Did he want it? 

The hesitation was but a heartbeat and later he hoped Legolas had not noticed that brief pause before he strode over, put his arms around him and rested his head against that golden hair. 

"Of course you can find sanctuary with me, you do not need to ask." He was ashamed of his momentary delay. 

"I do not understand, Legolas......why this fight to hide this from me? Did you not know I would help?"

"I was afraid." came the reply and he was mystified by that.

"I did not think you were ever afraid of anything!" he exclaimed, and he remembered Legolas on the Paths of the Dead, courageous and unbowed, they had all been in awe of him.

"Oh I am afraid of many things, but I do not usually let that fear overcome me. I have failed in this......I feared you would not want this.....I know this is more than we had before. Once it was said, my hope would be gone and slight hope is better than none." He turned to face him.  
"I cannot see into your heart Noldo. It's secrets are hidden from me." 

He knew he should speak then and reassure him, speak of the depths of his feelings for him. Tell him of his heart, but he did not know it himself, and so he laughed and made light of it.

"It is hidden from me too I fear!" 

And Legolas would no let him off so easily,

"Are you sure this is what you want? I know you have other choices ahead of you."

"Of course," he said, "Of course." 

Of course he wanted this........didn't he?   
But at the depths of himself, as always, he doubted and that doubt would not let him go.  
 

 


	4. Confessions

When he was with Legolas all the tangled knots of worry and doubt that settled in the pit of his stomach seemed to slowly unravel. When he was with Legolas he felt different as if somehow Legolas's light transformed him. When he was with Legolas he was free. Legolas would not let his thoughts linger on all the problems that lay ahead of him. 

He tried to speak of it, there was so much that worried him, but Legolas would hush him.

"Do not dwell on this, it will change nothing." 

"But I do not know what my choice will be, As much as I think on it nothing is clear to me." he protested. 

"You think too much Noldo, When the time comes you will know." It was all he ever said on the subject and he could not understand his complete confidence that Elrohir would somehow magically be able to make this decision that had plagued him for years.

He tried too to speak of the sea longing that lay as a cloud over Legolas's happiness. The endless restlessness that accosted him but with no more luck.

"Leave it Elrohir," Legolas smiled up at him. "We cannot change it. Enjoy me while you can...." He lay there like a god, truly magnificent and threw his arms wide. "Am I not worth it?"  
"Enjoy us."

"But if you-"

"Stop! You will spoil all our today worrying about tomorrow. Live in the moment. Things are perfect right now, just you and I here together. Why think of anything else but this?" 

And he was right. Things were perfect. 

As he stayed in Imladris, as they spent time together slowly but surely Legolas unfurled as a leaf in springtime. The despair lifted, glimpses of his merriment emerged, when he smiled it was as it had been before in Minas Tirith, as if the sun itself had visited.   
His irreverence returned, even when dealing with the most illustrious of Elves.

"Have you never heard of stealth?!" he exclaimed when examining Asfaloth, and his bells. The look of indignation on Glorfindel's face at the not so subtle criticism of his beloved horse made Elrohir laugh out loud. 

"You need to guard your heart I think Elrondion." Glorfindel said sternly as Legolas went on his merry way and he gave him a look that stripped him to his core.  
But then that look slowly softened,

"Still if it means he gets you to the other side of the sea I will overlook the fact he is a wild woodelf who knows nothing of decorum and etiquette and I imagine your Father will do also." And when Elrohir protested it was not like that at all Glorfindel only looked at him as if he did not believe a word he said.

But as light as Legolas became he knew all was not completely well with him. Some nights he would disappear and roam the valley alone as if to attempt to dissipate his restlessness but he refused any discussion of what plagued him and Elrohir would sit and wait and watch.  
When he returned early one morning from one of these strolls and Elrohir gazed at him with pity in his eyes at this lack of peace Legolas reacted with a flash of anger.

"Do not look at me like that. I want no pity, No one needs to pity me!" 

"I mean no insult," he tried to right his wrong, "I hate to see you thus." 

"I am well." said Legolas, "and happy. We have defeated the dark. Aragorn has his heritage, I am here with you. What more could I ask?"

But he was not convinced of his happiness and said so.

"I cannot forget how you were when you arrived."

"It took me by surprise." Legolas said frankly, "I am prepared now. That will not happen again. Believe me Elrohir, when I say I have the measure of this. Do not add it to your neverending pile of worries!"

But he did because he could not help it.

They fell into the pattern they had in Minas Tirith, hidden touches and secret meetings but Minas Tirith had been full ignorant judgemental men, discretion was essential even though, as Legolas said, it was also exciting. Here he was home amongst those who understood and loved him and they grew careless. It was only a matter of time before they were discovered.

It was unfortunate it was Elladan who discovered them. 

"Brother!" there was an multitude of hurt in that one word and Elrohir rushed to disentangle himself from Legolas's embrace.

"What is this?" Elladan's voice was clipped and angry. 

"Perhaps I should go?" Legolas said coolly as he stood hands loosely at his sides now Elrohir had abandoned him, eyes shuttered so he could not see the thoughts beneath.

"Yes" he replied and did not fail to notice the the hurt look that flitted across his lover's face. Perhaps that had been the wrong thing to say but he needed to speak with Elladan alone.

Legolas was nothing if not deeply proud, and with only a curt nod in Elladan's direction he was off, head high, the Prince of the wood. He was ashamed of nothing. 

The brothers stood in silence on his departure. It was clear Elladan was not happy.

"How long has this been going on?  he asked eventually. "Is it a recent thing?"

"No." It was a difficult admission to make. 

Elladan's eyes flew wide with surprise,   
"Not recent?...." He could see him calculating, wondering when it may have begun. 

"Not during the quest surely!"

"No!" He was horrified, "After....in Minas Tirith, after the war."

"Ah..." Elladan relaxed visibly, even smiled, "So it is just something light then....a fling, blowing off steam after the stresses of war. I do quite understand his appeal...he is beautiful.........a pleasure to look at." 

"No. It is not that." He had not known it until this very instance but now he did, now it was crystal clear exactly what it was. 

"Then what is it?" Elladan looked at him through narrowed eyes. "Tell me what it is."

He wished he had kept his mouth shut, taken the option Elladan had given him, to tell him it was recent, superficial, a distraction. It was what he wanted to hear. But he couldn't do that, he couldn't deny it.

"It is love Brother," he whispered. "It is love." 

Elladan's face drained of colour.

"You cannot mean that. Tell me you haven't kept this from me. Love? Why don't I know this? I should know this!" 

"I did not know it myself until this very minute, I promise!" he cried, the hurt in his brothers eyes burned his very soul.

"How can you not have told me? Why is this a secret?" 

He struggled to explain, stumbling over his words as he tried to remember the reason himself.

"We did not mean to hurt you.....I just wanted....I wanted something for myself and then.......it was thrilling, exciting to have it secret. Elladan don't look at me like that." He pleaded.

"Oh I am sure it was exciting. I am sure Legolas found it so. That is just like him." 

 His hackles rose at the thinly veiled insult, he would not listen to that. How had he not realised, he wondered as his anger churned within him, how blind had he been not to know before now that this was love? The way he felt, the joy that surged within him at so much as a glimpse of Legolas. He had been a fool.

"Do not dare to insult him Brother! It was I who chose not to tell you and he was hurt by that. I have not been able to see this for what it is....if you are angry say what you wish about me, I will not let you disparage him."

"You cannot do this Elrohir, you know what this means......he will sail! He has to sail! What of me?"

"I have not decided!!" He rushed to clasp his brothers hands, he had to reassure him of this. "I have not decided what I will do. I will not exclude you, we will talk on it the two of us......it will be our decision, together, just as it always was going to be.....this changes nothing." 

"It changes everything. It is our decision no longer no matter how much you might wish it. He will go and you will follow.....and I...... I will follow you and leave our brother behind for how can I be sundered from you." He flinched at the sound of Elladan's voice, flat and monotone. It was even worse when he withdrew his hands, turned on his heels and left without looking back. He knew that for Elladan, as it was for himself, their choice was a punishment, a weight that bore down upon them, that tore at their hearts whichever they would decide. How much they delayed, how much they wished they never had to make it.

It changes everything....

He was right,  
It did.


	5. Decisions

Legolas was waiting for him in his room when he returned, perched on the windowsill by his balcony as if he did not have a care in the world. The sun glinted off his hair and scattered into a thousand shards of light and he looked at him anew, with the knowledge of his love. How beautiful he was, how untamed and wild, how luminous his soul. And he wondered how he had failed to notice as Legolas had slowly, gently wound tendrils of green and gold around his heart. 

"What do you look at Noldo?" Legolas said quietly, as close to serious as he had ever heard him. 

"Your beauty," he said with a smile, "for I do not think I have seen it before, not truly." 

But Legolas tossed his head at that and he knew he was not happy with him.

"And how is your brother?"

"He is angry." He thought he may as well be honest although all he wanted to do was pour out his confession, I love you, I love you, I love you.....

"How so? Are you not allowed any pleasure then?" Legolas seemed to be genuinely confused and he could not help but smile at that,

"I am. Of course I am. He is angry he did not know." 

"So pleasure but no privacy? Is that what it means to be a twin?"

He shook his head, he did not really know how to explain this and it felt as if Legolas was deliberately misunderstanding.

"He is angry I kept something this important from him, this serious." 

"Oh," Legolas raised his eyebrows at that but his tone was all sarcasm, his words sharp. "And is it important Noldo? You have failed to tell me that also. I thought I was a lowly woodelf to be cast aside as soon as you were seen with me. Only good enough to be in secret....is that it?"  

Then he knew he had truly hurt him when he panicked and fled his embrace at Elladan's arrival. It had been cruel, he saw that now but how could he fix this?

With the truth?

"It is important! I am sorry for that, It was just .........Elladan........I knew he would be upset....You are important, of course...." he was handling this badly, he knew he was and this was not what he wanted to be saying at all.

" I told him I love you." 

And then there was silence.

He did not know what he expected Legolas's reaction to be when he told him, he had hoped, he supposed, he would at least be pleased. He did not expect what he got......a frown, disapproval. His stomach fell......what would he do if he was not loved in return? He hadn't thought of that.

"You should not have done that." was Legolas's quiet reply. He did not think he had ever seen him so still and he felt the beginnings of his world collapsing around him.  
 Legolas did not love him.

"I am sorry." He did not really know what it was he was apologising for......for loving him?

"You have never spoken to me of love. You should not have told your brother before me."

"I did not know!" he cried, "I did not speak of it to you because I did not know! Neither of us have spoken of it, you or I." He was desperate to defend himself and was taken by surprise when Legolas leapt to his feet in anger.

"How can you say that!" Elrohir flinched as the words rained down upon him. "How can you? when I told you right from the beginning. Before them all I told you. Aragorn, Gimli and your brother!"

He could make no sense of this for what did he mean? And at first the real meaning of those words eluded him.

"What do you mean Legolas? You did not." 

And then he remembered, a flash of memory crystal clear, Legolas, bright, shining, glowing with happiness lounging in his chair, laughing with Aragorn, 'what would you say if I told you it was love,' he had said and the corresponding flip of his own heart when he had heard that.

"You cannot mean that...." He breathed and yet he realised he must. "You were teasing Aragorn. You were not serious. None of us took that seriously Legolas." 

"I was serious, why would I joke with your heart......and mine?."

"I did not know." It was then that it hit him. "You love me?" 

Had he ever heard something so sweet? He did not think so.

 "It was just the beginning, we had barely begun you cannot have known then Legolas." Why was he denying it he wondered when he wished with all his heart for this to be true?

Then Legolas approached him, He stood in front of him and his anger had vanished, bled away, he was soft and gentle and loving as he cupped his face in his hands.

"I have known since before we began. I have known since you arrived in Rohan, since I first watched you. But why would a Noldo Lord look at me?" His hand brushed against Elrohir's hair spilling the fine straight darkness through his fingers. "But you did. You did see me." 

He loved the way Legolas lit up as he smiled, he realised as he watched him. He loved everything, all of it, the light, the sun, the waywardness, the parts he did not understand.

Legolas's hand hovered over his heart, fingers barely touching, grazing across his skin.

"How do you survive Noldo, knowing so little of your own self, your own heart? I have waited so long for you to find it. I had begun to fear you never would."

The soft lips brushed his, the sunlight filled him and his heart soared. He was home. 

After as they lay together and he was filled with wonder at the singing of his heart he remembered his brother and the clouds descended for he knew then what Elladan had said was true. His decision was made. He could not leave this, he would follow Legolas, it would crush him if he did not. His heart would not survive.

They had promised to decide together for neither of them wished to make a choice, somehow it was better if the punishment was a shared one. He has betrayed his brother and left him behind.

He was startled from his bitter thoughts by the touch of Legolas's fingers as they brushed away tears he did not know he shed. 

"My Treasure, why do you cry?"

"I have failed my brother." He said, he wanted no more secrets, no more misunderstandings between them.   
"We promised we would choose as one but I have made my choice without him and taken his from him as I did so."

Legolas frowned in consternation,  
"He will make his own choice surely?"

But he shook his head for that was unthinkable.  
"He will follow me. There is no other choice."

Then Legolas bent down towards him and rested his head on his chest, his warm body against his, and sweet, healing love flowed through him, melting the edges of those dark clouds which accosted him.

"And what do you choose Noldo?" said Legolas, "I need to hear it."

Legolas had been right of course all along, when the time came he knew exactly what his choice was. There was no other.

"I choose you." 


	6. Forgiveness

A coil of bitterness twisted in his stomach as he glimpsed the soft glow of the wood elf approaching him through the trees. What was he doing here deep into the night? He had come here for solice, to think in this his own secret place. Must Legolas steal everything from him? Was his brother not enough? Did he have to take his peace as well.

"Leave me alone!" His voice was harsh, the bitterness seeping out of him and across the glade towards the other.

But Legolas jumped and when he actually looked closely he realised his eyes were dazed, he had been miles away, he had not know he was there at all. Why was he out here in the dark, miles down the valley and so disorientated?

"Forgive me. I did not see you there, I was listening...." He stood with his head cocked to one side as if he listened still but to what....there were no sounds.

"Are you well?" He put a hand out to touch him his bitterness and envy forgotten, his brother cared for this elf after all.....both his brothers did and as he watched Legolas pulled himself together, stood straighter, eyes clearer and smiled.

"I am well. The sea distracts me. Always it calls and I come out here to indulge myself, to wander and listen.....it helps......and Elrohir cannot see. He worries." 

He felt a pang of sympathy but then, at the mention of his brother a surge of loneliness and loss. 

"You have stolen him from me." He said before he could stop himself, " and you have stolen my choice with him."

He watched as a look of remorse drifted across Legolas's lovely face. He was beautiful he had to admit that. 

"I am sorry for that. I would have chosen to stay here myself, I never wished to leave the forest. What has Valinor for me after all that is not here.......but the sealonging has stolen that from me and it pains me still. I regret that I have taken a choice from another, please believe that I did not intend it. I cannot regret loving Elrohir though. He is my treasure." And he smiled softly, he knew he was thinking of his brother then, such love was in that smile.

"You would have stayed?" The idea intrigued him for he and his siblings had for so long been the only ones with choice surrounded by elves who could not understand why they would even consider staying. No one had understood the way it tore at them.

"Of course!" Now Legolas's smile was for him. "Many of my people do. We chose once before not to follow the light to Valinor, why would we change our minds now?"

It was a revelation, suddenly he felt no longer alone. Of course Legolas's choice did not involve leaving behind his immortality.........but in a way, in time perhaps it did. Why had his Grandfather not told him this? 

"Do not feel bad on my account," he said, "In truth I probably would have chosen Valinor in the end if I am honest. I do not think I am brave enough to choose the other, I am not my sister. It is the loss of the choice that hurts, not the end result. Funny after it has caused us so much pain for so many years. It should be a relief.......perhaps it will be when I think on it. It will be a relief for my brother I know that. For so long has he been torn yet I know at heart he wished to sail also.......but it has felt a betrayal........of the other part of us, of others we love."

And Legolas's smile when he heard that was a brilliant one.

"Perhaps that is my destiny," he said happily, "To lead him to the other side, to what his heart desired without guilt. Perhaps that is why I suffer this, it makes it easier to bear for I have gained more than I have lost, I have him and he is more to me than even the trees. Perhaps the gods are not so cruel after all!" 

"Then you have led me there also." he answered "and I know in time I will thank you for that."

"It is I who should thank you Elladan." Legolas said with a smile, "for you have lightened my heart. But I must go, I have wandered too long and Elrohir will miss me." 

And then he was gone, quickly, lightly, a flash of gold amongst the trees, a shining light in the darkness. An untameable flame.

"I forgive you, Legolas," he whispered after him though there was nothing to forgive and already his heart was healing and he sat back to think on a world in which he was not the only one with a choice, the only one whose heart did not solely lie over the sea. A world the idea of which eased his soul of a burden long borne.  
And to think he had been here all along.


End file.
